Let’s Talk Self-Confidence
Self-confidence has never been something that's come innately to me, and as I've grown older I've come to realize that perhaps for some, it never will. I was always a very bright, optimistic, head in the clouds kind of person in my mind, but while growing up I never really felt like I could express that clearly. My inner thoughts were always loud and prominent, but my outer demeanor was relatively quiet and polite.
It may have been a result of my upbringing in a family of both teachers and public service workers who would always strive for presentability, poise and a sense of diligence. My sisters and I would have a lot of expectation to be our best both inside and outside of our home, which quite honestly, can be draining for someone like me who would have much preferred to sit in the sun and point out the puffy faces I’d see in the clouds.
As I got older I hit a point in my life where I could almost fake it 'til you make it, smiling at the right times, being charming and persuasive with my words, and fitting the role that my family always sought for me to fill. Even so, my internal monologue never quite lined up with those outer gestures. Behind some of those faces I would be dying of cringe and anxiously reviewing the conversations that had happened hours ago in my mind like a cassette tape. I was wearing myself out from these bouts of mental gymnastics, and it began to feel suffocating in a way that I could never express to those closest.
It wasn't until I took the first step of moving out of my family's house into an apartment shared between me and my roommate that I began to feel those tight, compressive strings loosen just a bit. I saw new ways to live that weren't always pretty or perfect, but were decisions that I made for myself for once. I didn't feel confined by exhaustive expectation, and little by little I started making choices for my own life that began to add up. I was able to explore the world around me on my own time and my own terms, and I will never take for granted how liberating that feeling can be. To know that you can make decisions that align with exactly what you want for yourself, no questions asked.
Those small but important actions were the foundational pieces of building my self-confidence. The day to day actions of consistently choosing how to move forward in life, whether I’d want to cook at home or treat myself to a dinner out, or if I preferred to spend a weekend indoors or take a spontaneous trip with friends. Sure, they may have seemed insignificant in the moment, but those tiny pieces of time have become some of my most invaluable supports as I’ve moved forward and started to gain confidence in myself. I’ve learned that self-confidence isn’t always innate, but sometimes learned through experience and time. I can’t always expect to suddenly become brazen and fearless, or adventurous and outspoken. It’s unrealistic to think that such confidence can happen overnight, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not happening right now. Each choice is slowly but surely compiling into experience through my actions and thoughts and daily decisions. Now, my self-confidence has grown from those times, those memories and through practiced moments of trusting myself. It’s the continued choice to be brave in the little moments, and to see the value in how far each decision has gotten me.
So, I say this to any who read this, don’t expect yourself to be confident in everything you do or say. Instead, expect yourself to make the choices that work best for you, when and how you want them to. Those little internal victories have been key to what helped me grow my confidence, so I hope these words can help you grow your confidence someday too.